


The Right Fit

by ScarlettesQueen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, F/M, Omega Reader, Pining, True Mates, Unrequited Love, curse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:55:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarlettesQueen/pseuds/ScarlettesQueen
Summary: Y/N has always been draw to Dean Winchester since he stumbled into her life when she was just a teenager. She was sure she'd be an omega, his omega. But things don't always happen like you plan, and Y/N is determined to find a place where she fits, even if it means leaving Dean Winchester behind. But when curses break, and friendships rekindle, will that finally give them both what they have always wanted.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 18
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

**The Right Fit**

**A/N: This is inspired by another work called Placeholder written by supersleepygoat. This work isn’t a redone version of that work but from the inspiration they do share a few plot points, and if you like angst I highly encourage you to go read it. Without out of the way, I hope you enjoy this.**

**Chapter 1**

Y/N had just turned fifteen when a ghoul hunt brought the Winchesters to town. John and his son’s who promptly found themselves enrolled in a new high school again, had no idea in this particular town their presence wasn’t needed. Newbury already had a resident family of hunters, Y/N’s family.

Sam was in all Y/N’s core classes but they had different electives. She liked the younger Winchester he was cute, easy to talk to, and didn’t make her feel like a dork for always being the first one to raise her hand in classes. They soon became friends but after school she didn’t see much of him because he was quickly whisked away by his father or older brother who was a senior.

Then when her parents went out on a hunt to take care of the ghouls that had recently moved into the area from the neighboring town they brought an unexpected guest with them, an injured John Winchester. Y/N’s eyes grew wide at seeing the father of her new friend.

“What happened?” she asked quickly looking between the three adults seeing John bleeding from a tear on the leg of his jeans.

Her father laughed jovially slapping the other man on the back, “John here damn near saved my life.”

“You’d have been fine, I wouldn’t have come with my boys if I knew there was other hunters here on the case,” John returned gruffly grimacing in pain. 

“Y/N go grab the medical kit,” her mother directed and Y/N quickly ran to grab the medical kit bringing it back down and giving it to her mother.

John held up a hand turning on his side to fish out a set of keys and handing them to her father, “Would you mind going to get pick up my son so he can drive my car back, don’t want the sheriff seeing it if he someone calls in the fire behind the church.”

“Actually I think I’m going to need your help moving John upstairs to the guest bedroom. Don’t want you tearing the stitches out.”

“I can wai…”

“Don’t worry John I’ll just have Y/N go get your son, while we tend to your wounds. You know the motel they are at on 5th just off the highway?”

“Yeah dad like the one motel in town?” Y/N replied, rolling her eyes.

Her father ever the good natured beta, except when something threatened his family just laughed at her sass, as tossed her both John’s keys and his for the pickup, “Go get Dean, was it, and don’t get me that lip or I’ll wash your mouth out with soap,” he teased an old threat since she once saw that happen in a television show.

That drew another eye roll from Y/N but she couldn’t restrain a smile in response taking the keys and heading over to the motel. When she knocked on the door or the room John told her to go to the door was flung open by a slightly rumpled looking Dean and for a moment Y/N stood there frozen. 

She had seen the elder Winchester only at a distance meeting Sam in the parking lot or talking to him in the hall never this close. She was stunned simply staring at him. He was the most gorgeous boy she had ever seen, and wow was that fantastic smell him? He smelled amazing like the best combinations of things she could imagine night air, pine trees, leather, and something musky and sort of deep she couldn’t quite place her finger on. 

“Sweetheart I think you got the wrong room,” Dean said before her brain started to function again.

“No I don’t I’m looking for you,” she responded quickly abruptly coming back to herself and starting to try to explain.

“Who the hell are you?”

“Y/N?” came Sam’s questioning voice from behind Dean, his head suddenly poking out from behind his older brother.

“Hi Sam.”

“Are you here to see me?”

She held up her hands to stop them asking anymore questions, “ Uh no, Dean actually, as it turns out both our parents are hunters, surprise. They meant on the ghoul hunt tonight and your dad got a bit hurt, he’s gonna be fine mom was a nurse before she became a hunter. But he couldn’t drive so we gotta go get his car from the church lot before someone calls in the fire of the burning ghoul bodies and finds it.”

Dean and Sam had both stiffened and relaxed when she mentioned her dad being hurt but not seriously so. Dean quickly grabbed his jacket when she said they needed to go and Sam moved to follow him. 

“Stay here Sammy, finish your homework.”

“I already did it.”

“Then watch some tv”

“But Dean…”

“It’s alright Sam,” Y/N quickly interjected, “The church is only a ten minute drive away Dean will be back before you know it.”

Sam sighed but sat back down on one of the two hotel beds as Dean followed her out to the truck. They drove in silence for a few minutes before Dean spoke.

“I thought you were in the same class as Sammy, not old enough to be driving by yourself. Not that, that stopped me at your age but, you actually live in this town. So it matters if the sheriff sees a fourteen year-old driving. You get held back a couple years or something?”

“I did not get held back,” she responded indignantly prickly somehow at both his insinuation of that and that she was younger than she was, “First I’m fifteen not fourteen. I just had my birthday last month. Second, my license and school records say I’m 16 and started school late. When my parents decided we were going to try and stay here through my whole high school career they wanted to make it so legally I only had to wait a couple months to drive. In case they needed to go on an out of town case that required both of them so I could get around by myself.”

“That’s pretty smart of them,” Dean said, sounding a little impressed, “and you are in Sammy’s classes so I thought you probably didn’t get held back.”

“Um, thanks,” she replied a bit awkwardly not really knowing what else to say as she pulled into the deserted parking lot next to a black impala.

They sat for a moment, “Well good night Dean, I guess this is you.”

“Um I’m hoping dad gave you the keys because I don’t have anything to break into the car with, and I aint breaking a window on baby.”

“Oh yeah right,” Y/N blushed, pulling the keys out of her pocket and placing them on Dean’s palm, she could swear she felt an electric jolt as her fingers brushed his palm.

“Fuck,” he cursed and for an absurd moment she thought he must have felt the same electricity but then she looked at his face and saw his eyes fixed on the rear view mirror. As she looked into the glass she saw a sheriff’s vehicle reflected in its surface. Apparently they hadn’t been quite fast enough.

“Fuck,” she echoed unsure what to do. Whoever was driving the car surely had seen the truck in the lot already.

“Just go with it okay,” Dean whispered and before Y/N could ask go with what, Dean’s lips were on hers and she forgot everything else.

Her hands found their way to his t-shirt gripping two fistfuls of material, so lost in the feeling of his soft lips on hers she barely noticed his hands moving. One going to the back of her neck the other behind her back pulling her forward into his lap. She moaned at the feeling of his tongue sliding against hers the growing deeper, hotter. Y/N was beginning to feel as if each cell of her body was on fire at his touch, his kiss, the press of his body against hers. Then the moment shattered by a sharp wrap on the window.

Y/N jumped quickly scrambling off of Dean. With a blush she recognized the sheriff, and quickly rolled down her window.

“Hi sheriff Davis,” she said quietly.

“Now Miss Y/L/N, do you want to tell me exactly what you two are doing out here so late.”

“It’s not what it looks like,” she started to say blushing.

“I mean it kind of is,'' Dean adds and Y/N glares at him.

She was looking at Dean but Y/N could swear she heard the sheriff choke back a laugh. 

Dean just shrugs, “Sorry Sir, Y/N’s right we didn’t necessarily mean to be doing that. We just wanted a chance to talk away from my younger brother and our parents. They are family friends and it was so nice to see em’ after so long. Hadn’t seen Y/N since she and my baby brother were toddlers. Don’t think she even recognized us that first day, but well neither or us are kids anymore. And I can’t say I’m sorry I ended up kissing her but I wish it were out on some proper date not sneaking around. Really sorry sir.” 

Then Dean turned those apologetic green eyes on her, “Sorry Y/N next time I’ll ask your parent’s permission to properly take you out.”

“It’s alright Dean,” she turned her attention back to the sheriff, “Sorry sheriff Davis I didn’t mean to get so caught up. Please don’t tell my parents on us, they’d be so upset I didn’t ask first I swear we won’t do it again.”

“I suppose that’s not my job. We are a few minutes before curfew but only about 10 any later and you kids would technically be breaking the law. Did your getting carried away happen to include having a little bonfire?”

“A fire? No sir.” Dean answered, sounding convincingly surprised.

“Sorry sheriff if there was a fire, I didn’t notice any fire,” Y/N looked down blushing, “We were a bit um busy.”

“Yes I could see that,” the sheriff answered a dry note of amusement in his voice.

“May we go home now sir? Separately of course I wouldn’t want to be breaking curfew,” Dean said nervously.

Sheriff Davis nodded, “I suppose you can but you better go straight there and I don’t want to find you two doing this again. Y/N after I check to make sure the bonfire is out, I’ll be doing the rounds of your street. As long as your dad’s truck is parked back in the drive when I get there I won’t call your parents. But if I see it’s not and find out your breaking curfew I will be paying them a visit young lady.”

“Of course, sheriff, I understand sorry for the trouble. Good night Dean,” Y/N looked down at her lap in feigned embarrassment.

“Night I’ll see you at school, thank you sheriff,” he said before sliding out of the truck and getting into the impala. 

The sheriff nodded to them both before walking toward the cemetery to investigate the fire.

  
  


**A/N: I love comments so if you feel inclined go ahead and leave them.**

**< 3 Scarlette**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Y/N had made it home without incident and in the morning Dean had shown up to pick up John and take him back to their motel. Y/N’s parents had convinced John to stay in town for a short time while he healed from his injuries, and even offered that he and the boys could stay in their house as it had plenty of room, even an old carriage house out back that her father had converted into a guest house.

The house was actually what had brought them to town in the first place. It was an old victorian place that had become somewhat dilapidated in recent years, but not such that it was too difficult or costly to repair especially with her father’s past experience as a contractor. Which had once again become his job when they weren’t hunting. The old place had been rumored for years to be haunted, and was. Or at least it had been until they came to town. Two ganked ghosts and a steeply declined property value and a decent school made it an easy choice for Y/N’s parents who had long talked about trying to settle in one place for her high school career to give her the best possible chance of getting into college if that was something she chose to do. 

The concept of their choice seemed to baffle John, but as they didn’t say anything about his raising of his sons his return to the motel was short lived. They quickly moved into the guest house with only a few protests from John about not needing any charity. Y/N’s mother headed off the protest by pointing out if it bothered him so much he and Dean could help with some of the repairs to the main house that her father hadn’t had the time or help to do yet.

Y/N for her part was elated. To finally have a friend like Sam she could talk to and share everything with, without having to lie about her past and hide what her family did. And of course there was Dean, who she definitely did not have a crush on. Definitely didn’t lie awake at night remembering the feel of his lips on hers. No she definitely didn’t do that except for the some nights she did, for the most nights she did.

But that was off limits. Especially with her parents' strong reservations about her dating, she wasn’t old enough maybe she was sixteen they would consider it. Not that Dean seemed to feel anything in return. Apparently for him the kiss had been just a distraction, which he made clearly by promptly going out with several of the senior girls sometime simultaneously which caused quite the stir at their school. Y/N shoved down her hurt and mostly ignored him. Acting friendly whenever he was around her but not trying to be any more than surface level friends.

Sam on the other hand, Y/N could imagine being one of those people she would be friends with for the rest of her life. They both loved learning and shared many interests. Y/N told him she had already decided to go to college and at least learn to do something else besides hunting, but secretly she was scared that something would happen to her parents while she was gone. Sam in return confided in her that he wanted to go to college too, and leave hunting behind completely but he knew his dad would be furious. Y/N promised to keep his secret, and they even delightedly concocted a scheme that maybe they could go to the same college.

Y/N was certain her parents would support Sam’s choice even if John didn’t. She just hoped they might convince John to stay or even let Sam stay to finish school while he took Dean hunting with him, and at first that seemed promising.

There was a hunt a half a day’s car ride away just when John was starting to get restless, and so John and her mother went to take care of it, her father staying behind to be backup if they needed to call him in or do research from the house. 

The red flags started not long after that hunt though. Dean was getting increasingly moody though always polite in front of her parents. But she noticed and so did Sam. Dean was also going through girls even faster and they all seemed to either be already presented as omegas or who from their family heritage seemed likely to present that way. And when there were no adults around Dean would increasingly picked on and tease Y/N.

It was weird because other than their one kiss he didn’t really pay much attention to her and she rose to the bait by snapping right back at him, “Just because you have a stick up your ass doesn’t mean it's my problem. Fuck off Winchester and stop bothering me.”

  
  


“Well maybe if you weren’t so easy to bother,” he shot back, “sounds like your problem I’m under your skin.”

“Seriously Dean stop being a jerk,” Sam added glaring at his older brother, “just go away we’re doing homework.”

Dean huffed and seemed like he was going to say something else before turning and walking off tossing a, “Bitch,” back over his shoulder at Sam.

“What’s eating him?” she asked Sam.

Sam shrugged, “I think Dean’s close to presenting though I didn’t say anything to dad. He never listens to me anyway, but I think Dean’s also pissed because dad told him thanks to his recent attitude problems he is not coming with him and your parents on the hunt they are going on over the weekend. He is supposed to stay here and man the phones until they get back.”

Y/N grimaced feeling a bit of sympathy for him, “That’s rough I know he wants to be out there helping your dad.”

“Yeah but he’ll do it. Attitude or not Dean always does whatever dad tells him with a yes sir. Always the good soldier.”

Y/N put a hand on his shoulder, “Yeah maybe but he loves you more than anything, I’m sure he’ll understand you needing to go have a life Sam.”

“Yeah I hope so.”

  
  
  


Dean as the oldest was of course in charge as their parents went off on the werewolf hunt together. That didn’t start off too bad since he ordered them all pizza, but he was especially bossy not giving up the remote or lowering the volume on the tv. Trying to send Y/N and Sam to fetch things for him. His wallet from up stairs, or a soda from the fridge, bring over another piece of pizza, go get him a napkin. And he snapped at them for every little thing he thought they did wrong. 

Finally Y/N said goodnight to Sam and ignored Dean deciding to just head up to her room rather than deal with his bad mood anymore. 

The next morning she didn’t see either Winchester as they presumably were still asleep in the guest house. So she grabbed an apple and her backpack and headed over to her friend Alex’s house to work on an English presentation they had to do together. 

“Alright I have the outline all set to go but we have to add in some detailed analysis of the text to go with each of the sections. Did you have particular passages you wanted to do?” Y/N asked.

“Yeah I think the one one the fifth page of the second chapter for the first point.”

“I like that and then we can break down the similes and discuss the utilization of descriptive language.”

“Ah I didn’t realize I was intruding on a meeting of the brain trust over here,” Eric Alex’s cousin said from the doorway to the living room making both girls jump and him chuckle in response.

“Eric don’t you knock? What the heck are you doing here.”

“Relax squirt your dad said I can come over and use your pool whenever I want since we haven’t got one.”

“I’m not a kid,” Alex responded rather undermining the point by sticking her tongue out at her cousin causing Y/N to burst into giggles. 

Her friend glared at her. Eric came over ruffling Alex's hair, then Y/N’s drawing protests from both girls, “I’m a junior, you’re freshman you are practically babies compared to me.” He teased lightly.

“Whatever,” Alex huffed, “go swim or whatever we’re doing homework.”

Eric retreated from them with a rye smile to go use the pool. As they continued to work on the project and then went to hang out in Alex’s room after they finished listening to some cds and taking ridiculous magazine quizzes until Y/N decided she’d better go home and make sure Sam and Dean hadn’t killed each other.

  
  


She got home as the sun was just setting, the sky getting dark. The lights in the guest house were off but those in the main house were on so Sam and Dean were probably inside. When she entered Sam was nowhere to be found but Dean was pacing, prowling between the kitchen and living room.

“Where were you?” he growled his voice low, lower than she had ever heard it, almost a rumble like his fathers.

Y/N raised her eyebrows, “Wow dad didn’t realize I had to tell you where I was every second of the day,” she shot back.

Dean stalked over to her glaring down at her, so close if she took a deep breathe her chest would brush against his. She tilted her head back to look up at him, his eyes were wild, sweat beaded his forehead, his face was flushed and he smelled amazing, even better than unusual. She wanted to lean forward and bury her face in his chest and just take in the scent of him. 

Then he leaned in sniffing, and whatever he smelled drew a snarl from his chest, “You smell like an alpha, the only alpha’s scent you should have on you is me.”

Surprised at the sentiment and abruptly realizing what was happening, what Dean was experiencing she took a step back placing her hand on his chest to keep some space between them. She could swear her skin seemed to burn where she was touching him but at the same time it felt so good to be a flame, “Dean stop take a breath, you’re presenting, you’re in rut you need to stop. You aren’t yourself right now.”

“You think I don’t know that? Can’t feel that? But all I can think about is you and where you were.”

“I wasn’t with an alpha, I was just at Alex’s house working on a project for school,” she said backing up a little further from Dean starting to make her way to the stairs so she could dash for her room.

“Don’t lie to me. I can smell him on you,” he snapped stalking back toward her again.

Y/N stopped confused, “But I haven’t just Alex and she isn’t presented as anything, we were just working and ignoring her cousin.”

“Did her cousin touch you?”

Y/N’s eyes widened as she realized he had, “Yes, but…”

Dean growled stepping forward to close the gap between them crowding her against the wall next to the stairs. This time they were touching his body pressing against hers, she could feel the movement of his chest at his heavy breathing.

“He shouldn’t have touched you, you’re mine.”

Y/N felt dizzy, her head spinning from the heat she felt rushing through her, the air thick with his pheromones. She found herself no longer pushing Dean away but suddenly her hands on his arms now clinging to him for balance as if he was the one thing that could keep her world from spinning out of control completely.

“It’s not like you think he just messed up my hair like I was some kid. I wasn’t anything, it didn’t feel like it does when you touch me,” she found herself explaining a bit disjointedly because suddenly she needed Dean to know there wasn’t anyone else, hadn’t really been since the first time they kissed.

Dean leaned even closer, his lips a hair's breadth from hers, “That’s because you're mine, I can feel and you can too.”

Then his lips were on hers and it was even better than she remembered the fire burning just under her skin as their mouths met desperately in the hungry collision of their lips. Her hands trailed over his arms, sliding down over her back, pulling herself closer to him needing to eliminate any space between them.

Dean’s arms slid around her scooping her up, as Y/N wrapped her legs around his waist, their lips never parting. Dean carried her over to the couch, blindly bumping into a few things on their way, as he was unwilling to pull away from her to look. 

  
  


He finally managed to find his way to the couch sitting down with Y/N in his lap. He trailed his lips down from hers, kissing along her jaw, then lower to her neck. 

Drawing a gasp from her lips as he grazed his teeth over the juncture of her neck and shoulder. As his lips touched her bare skin there she felt her temperature skyrocketed even higher. She pulled back from Dean from the first time reaching for the hem of her t-shirt and dragging it up and over her head leaving her in just her bra.

Dean sat back to drink in the sight of her for a moment before reaching for her again, pulling her back into his arms for another heated kiss. Y/N needed more of him still, needed to feel his skin. She slipped her hands under his shirt grazing her fingers over his lean stomach.

But it still wasn’t enough contact even with her hands exploring his chest. She needed more and Dean seemed to agree as his fingers dropped to fumble with the button on her jeans.

Just as he got it open, she was abruptly yanked back from Dean, drawing a growl from his lips. Y/N found her father holding her as she struggled against his grip, “What in the hell did you think you were doing?” he asked furiously.

“Mine,” Dean snarled back as he tried to get to her as John hauled him off the couch pulling him back, “It’s your first rut, you need to pull yourself together son.” 

Dean growled at his father, while Y/N’s father glared at them both. “I let you into this house because I thought you and your son’s could control yourselves and I come back to find him practically forcing himself on my underage daughter.”

The heat inside her skin was unbearable. She had to make her father understand, she needed Dean, he had to see that. “Daddy you don’t understand Dean and I,” the heat was too much but she couldn’t let her father blame him, “Dddean, I need…” her words stuttered to a stop as blackness closed around her and she went limp in her father’s arms.

  
  
  
  
  
  


When Y/N woke up she was in her bed. She got up rushing down stairs only to run right into her worried mother.

“Y/N, sweetie, I was just coming up to check on you. Are you feeling okay?” 

“Yeah I’m fine, wait what’s today?” Y/N Asked noticing the room was filled with bright daylight and feeling confused. Surely she hadn’t dreamed what had happened, but something felt off.

Her mother pressed a hand to her forehead, “Sweetie you don’t have a fever anymore that’s good. It’s Wednesday. You got sick Saturday night when we were coming home from the hunt before the Winchester’s left.”

“Left! What do you mean left?” Y/N asked frantically.

“Well John and your father had a disagreement, after we came home and you were...were sick. So they packed up and left.” 

“No they can’t be gone,” Y/N cried out, rushing past her mother and out to the guest house, but it was too late. The guest house was empty, not even a trace of the Winchester’s left behind. Y/N stumbled back to the house sinking down on the front steps.

She pulled her knees up to her chest letting the tears run down her cheeks as her heart was breaking. She wasn’t sure which hurt more losing her new best friend or his brother.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

When Y/N stopped in at the road house after a long hunt, to bring some equipment Ash had texted her he needed, her heart stopped at the sight of green eyes she’d never thought she’d see again. Dean Winchester was sat at the bar, flirting with an amused looking Jo Harvelle as she poured him a drink. 

Y/N could only stare for a moment as the focus of her dreams was once more before her eyes. She was shaken from her reverie by Ash loudly calling her name. She turned to smile but at him in greeting rolling her eyes at his exuberance as he rushed over to hug her.

“I bet you greet everyone who brings you computer parts like that?” she teased lightly.

Ash scoffed in return, “Please you are the only one I can ask to bring me parts who I don’t have to include the full name and the picture just so I have a 50/50 chance of them bringing me the right thing.”

Y/N laughed again and fished her keys out of her pocket handing them to Ash, “Well you can go grab them from my car while I get a drink. I told you I’d deliver them not haul them. So you can go get them yourself.”

Ash accepted the keys and eagerly rushed out to get what she had brought to him. Y/N turned around to find Dean Winchster only a few feet behind her having moved closer to her while she was distracted.

“Wow, Y/N, when Ash said your name and I turned to look I thought it was you from behind but I couldn’t be sure.”

Y/N smiled back a little weakly, “Yeah it's been a while Dean. Is Sam with you? I’d love to talk to him, I know he’s been having a rough time since Jess.”

Dean suddenly looked startled and confused, “You know about Jess?”

“Yeah Sam and I got back in contact when I started when he started Stanford. I’m a little surprised he didn’t tell you but then again I wouldn’t guess you too spend much time talking about me with everything. Anyway I was going to Caltech at the time. We even managed the 6 hour trip to see eachother a time or two. But well I was still hunting with my parents, and I knew he was out so I didn’t want to accidentally pull him back in. So mostly we just emailed back and forth though he hasn’t been checking his email as much lately.”

“Yeah we’ve been busy. He’s kinda worn out from the last few days so he’s in the motel room passed out right now. So how are the folks?”

Y/N grimaced at the question, “Dead.”

“Shit, Y/N I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine like I said I didn’t expect you and Sam talked about me so it’s not like you would know,” she responded with a shrug pushing down the pain at their loss.

“Yeah I’m still sorry, they were good people, even if I’m pretty sure they hated me when we left.”

“That wasn’t your fault Dean, we were teenagers hormones running high, you just presented and I was 15 with a crush on you. It’s not like I didn’t want you kissing me, touching me. I did even if I never really got the chance to tell you.”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck looking down a little ruefully, “I was sure from how you reacted to me then you were going to present as an omega.”

“Yeah, you and me both. Turns out I’m a beta just like my parents, and you and Sam are alphas like your dad.”

“Funny how things work out I guess.”

“You know Dean, I have a place in town. I rent, it’s kinda my base between hunts. You could come over if you wanted to catch up,” she paused letting the silence stretch on for a minute as Dean glanced back over his shoulder at Jo.

Then she grabbed a napkin and scrawled on it, “Or not, if you are tired. Here’s the address and my number. Do me a favor and give that to Sam, tell him to call if he needs a friend.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah I’ll tell him.”

With that Y/N felt her heart sink knowing that meant he’d decided not to take her up on her offer. Which was fine why would he, they just made out twice when she was 15 not like he had reason really to be as consumed by her as she was by him. Honestly the way she couldn’t manage to get over him in all the years since she last saw him baffled even her but it had just become a fact of life. She ate, she slept, she hunted, and she was in love with Dean Winchester. 

  
  


Y/N was home in her little apartment, about to crawl into bed for the night when she heard a knock on her door. Going to check the peephole she saw Dean Winchester on the other side.

She opened the door with a smile, “Change your mind about catching up?”

“Well you see we could only get a motel room with one bed so I was going to sleep in baby, but then I thought maybe you might have a couch I could crash on or…”

“Or I might be persuaded to let you share the bed?”

He grinned that adorable boyish grin of his at her, “Yeah I was hoping I interpreted your invitation at the bar correctly.”

“You did,” she answered, simply reaching forward to pull him inside as he kicked the door shut behind him.

In moments they were wrapped in each other's arms, their lips meeting in a heated kiss that brought her right back to the days of her teenage passion again. Dean walked her back until her back hit the wall, one hand on her hip the other lightly skimming up over her thigh and under her nightgown. His fingers deftly finding its way between her legs drawing a moan of pleasure from her lips.

“Mm you’re so wet for me Y/N,” Dean murmured his hot breath brushing against her ear. 

“Dean more please, I want you to fuck me. I want to feel your cock inside of me,” she practically whimpered, her hands dropping to unbuckle Deans belt eager to feel him.

He chuckled, scooping her up and navigating through the small apartment until he could drop her on the bed.

Y/N quickly slipped off her underwear discarding them on the floor, grabbing the hem of the large t-shirt she had worn to sleep in as well leaving her bare before Dean as he quickly schucked his own clothes too, seeming as eager for her as she was for him.

His mouth was on hers, his strong body pressing her into the bed as she felt his hot length between her legs. Eagerly Y/N tilted her hips up welcoming his hard cock as he thrust it into her dripping core.

“Fuck,” she grasped finally having the feeling of Dean filling her completely, that she had imagined for so long.

“Mmm so tight sweetheart,” Dean murmured in her ear setting a fast pace pushing them both quickly toward their release.

It wasn’t the sweet and gentle thing she’d imagined as a girl, it was rough, and fast, and hard. His teeth scraped her skin leaving little bruises behind, she writhed under him, her nails scraping down his back leaving scratch marks she only saw once they had finished. And for her even as she came undone under him and he pulled out to spill on her sheets, it was all too brief. Y/N finally felt like she fit, like things were right in her world in a way they hadn’t been in years when she was in Dean’s arms.

But something was missing as Dean lay down again next to her after cleaning up his mess. She realized as she heard his breathing become the deep and even breath of sleep that she had wanted him to knot her. 

The thought was ludicrous alpha’s didn’t knot betas. Betas didn’t try to get knotted, especially as their bodies could really accommodate it like an omega could, it would risk injury to do so. But she wanted it, maybe they could do it if he was really gentle. At Dean’s size he definitely couldn’t knot her as roughly as he had tonight, without hurting her. Maybe it’s something they could talk about in the morning.

Y/N wasn’t under any delusion that this night together was the start of a relationship but she hoped if it felt half as good to Dean as it felt had to her, he would be open to repeating the experience maybe even eventually giving a relationship ago if he got to know her outside of the bedroom. She thought at least they could do this again and if they kept doing it he might be willing to let her try a few new things with him.

However it was a question Y/N never got to ask. He was gone when she woke up, with only his scent on her sheets and a text from a number which must have been his on her phone saying he would give Sam her number.

She later got a text from Sam that confirmed he had done so.


	4. Chapter 4

It was so easy to get caught in the Winchesters gravity and sucked into their world, their lives. Sometimes Y/N felt as if they were a binary star system orbiting around each other, and she a wayward planet caught in their pull until eventually she came to orbit around them.

It all started so easily, that one night with Dean seemed like it was all it would be despite her hopes. But then Sam texted her, and called. It was almost like their friendship of years had never been interrupted. 

Almost, in the intervening years they’d both suffered great losses of those they had loved and dreams they had, had. The losses left them both a little darker, a little sadder, a little less hopeful than they had been before. But they both still desperately needed, the friendship the other could offer.

At first their catch ups were infrequent. Only when Sam and Y/N could squeeze them in between hunts, and needed to unburden to the other. Soon they transformed into a regular and repeated occurrence recementing a steady friendship. 

That friendship only pulled her in deeper. Sam called her for a second opinion on his research. She called him for helping tracking down a reference on a particularly troubling case. Then he called her for back up on the hunt, which he and Dean needed a woman to help them infiltrate, thus knocking either of them out of the running.

Of course she came when Sam called. If Y/N was honest she knew she would have come too, if Dean had been the one to call her. But Dean never called. Not that she spent time thinking about that, much time.

She had her own motel room and to her surprise she found Dean knocking on her door after she knew he and Sam had headed out to a bar post hunt.

“Let me guess, Sam got a girl first this time and you are looking to see if I’ll let you crash on my couch,” she asked teasingly, already guessing why he was at her door, and with enough common sense to no she should say no.

Then he gave her that rueful grin and Y/N knew she was done for, “Well sweetheart I was kinda hoping I might persuade you to share your bed with me again.”

“And what do you have to offer that’s so persuasive Winchester?”

“I think you remember, and I think it's pretty safe to promise I can make it even better the second time.”

“Well if you can deliver on that, I guess you can come in,” she replied letting him find his way into her bed again.

  
  


It was an easy pattern to fall into with them: talk to Sam almost daily, catch a hunt or two with them when either she or they needed a little help, sleep with Dean if he hadn’t felt anyone else to take home for the night.

Y/N had stopped trying to even talk herself out of it after the first few times. She knew sleeping with the person she was in love with as a casual thing just when he didn’t have anyone else was a stupid choice. She knew she deserved someone who would love her back. Dean would probably even agree with her, he just wouldn’t want to be the one to give it to her. 

His actions had always made it very clear that he just saw their relationship as solely casual, a friends with benefits sort of relationship. So Y/N never told him how she felt, because she knew he’d probably insist on ending their sexual relationship. And no matter what she knew she deserved, the type of relationship she knew she should be pursuing, she wanted Dean.

What she and Dean had together was good enough, was satisfying in physical respect, well except for one thing. When their sexual encounters had become a little more frequent they began to explore some things in the bedroom one usually did not with one night stands. So Y/N had gathered the courage to confess to Dean she wanted to feel him knot her.

He had been all smiles and teasing the moment before, but the way his face made her heart sink.

Dean gently reached out cupping her cheek so Y/N was looking up at him, “I like that you are down to explore pretty much anything sweetheart but we can’t ever do that. You’re a beta, and knotting would hurt you, could even cause tearing and damage down there. I remember that much from biology and I couldn’t bear to hurt you. Do you understand?”

All she could do was nod too shocked at his sudden tenderness to even do anything else, at least she knew he cared about her somewhat; didn’t want to hurt her. Even more reason not to letting him know he was hurting her already even if inadvertently. She could hide the pain and longing if it meant getting to keep even a little of Dean, and getting to keep her best friend too. With as closely as the brother’s stuck together she was sure losing one meant losing the other.

She wouldn’t lose them again even if it meant keeping a secret from a person she never had lied to before Sam. As far as she could tell Sam didn’t know about their hookups. She had never told him and neither had Dean. Y/N figured them not telling Sam was for different reasons.

She guessed Dean didn’t tell Sam because it wasn’t a big enough deal to mention to his brother. It was just sex not some world ending apocolypse like they were currently dealing with. Y/N didn’t tell Sam because he knew her too well, and while she could easily conceal her love from Dean. She very much doubted his brother would be as easy to fool.

  
  
  


Apocalypses that was something Y/N never had to deal with before being drawn into the Winchesters’ gravity. But now she was in the thick of it caught with the Winchesters as they were set to be pieces in a war staged between two archangels, one of whom also happened to be the devil.

She helped where she could, even if so much seemed to be out of her grasp. She couldn’t help really, could save Jo and Ellen, couldn’t save Sam from their stupid plan. She wasn’t a Winchester, wasn’t special like them. All she could do really was be there for support and then pretend to not be when they needed a moment alone.

So she pretended to sleep while Sam and Dean talked in the front seat.

“If this goes our way you have to promise not to try to get me back. Go find Lisa, if she’s stupid enough to take you. Even if she’s not, go find yourself an omega, go to barbeques, settle down and have a normal apple pie life. Promise me” Sam demanded.

Y/N discretely hit the button on her ipod sending music spilling through her headphones, she didn’t want to hear Dean’s reply. Couldn’t bear to hear him agree to the promise or talk about the omega Lisa he had stopped in to see on his farewell tour. But she had the niggling feeling that no matter what happened with Michael and Lucifer the day of their confrontation would be the last one she had with either brother.

**A/N: Hmm it doesn’t look good does it**

**< 3 Scarlette**


	5. Chapter 5

Sam was gone. Cas was gone. It was all Y/N could do to get the bloodied Dean into baby and back to a motel to clean up. 

He didn’t say anything as she wiped the blood off of his face, or pulled out fresh clothes, or even when she ordered him to go take a shower and finish cleaning himself up.

He just followed her directions and came out with a towel, wrapped around his waist looking so hopeless. Y/N showly knelt in front of him taking his face in her hands so he had to look at her.

“We can look for something, find a way to bring Sam and Cas back. You came back, we’ll figure something out.”

“No not this time, I promised Sam,” he answered hollowly

“Okay, not that, we’ll figure something else out then. Whatever you need we can keep hunting, or leave the life all together. Whatever you need we’ll do okay? Please Dean, you have to keep going, please I can’t lose both of you,” Y/N begged barely able to keep her voice from breaking but she shoved down the grief for her best friend down. Dean needed her strength right now and she could cry for Sam later, when he didn’t.

His green eyes flicked up to hers with a sort of desperation, “You won’t leave me?”

“I’ll never leave you. I love you Dean,” Y/N confessed softly.

Dean held her gaze for a long moment, as Y/N felt her heart beating wildly against her rib cage suddenly doubting herself.

“Y/N”

“Dean, you don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know I lo-”

Y/N’s words were cut off by the press of his lips on hers. This kiss was different from the others they shared. It was gentle, sweeter, full of longing and she thought full of love. 

He slowly stood pulling her up with him until they were both standing and she was held tightly in the circle of his arms. They continued their languid kisses enjoying the feel of the others lips, enjoying just that sensual sensation. 

Dean pulled back slowly kissing along her jaw, at the sensitive spot just under her ear, down her neck,drawing little moans of pleasure from her lips. His hands slide up under her shirt pulling it up over her head and discarding it, and then her bra. 

It’s Dean’s turn to sink to his knees as his kisses move lower trailing down her torso pausing just above the waistband of hers jeans. He slowly unbuttons them, hooking his fingers under them and the waistband of her panties dragging them leisurely down her legs.

She slowly stepped out of them letting Dean admire her body for a moment.

“Sweetheart sit on the edge of the bed for me,” he directs and she complies, spreading her legs open for him as he shifts so he is kneeling between her thighs.

He brings his lips back to her skin slowly trailing kisses down the inside of one thigh then languorously up the inside of the other until he finally reaches where she wants him to the juncture of her thighs.

She gasps as his lips seal around her clit sucking on it gently, moving his hands up to join his mouth. He pleasured her as if it was the only thing in the world he wanted to do, bringing her to completion twice under his lips and tongue before moving up to kiss her. She kissed him back wanting this intimacy between them to stretch on forever. 

Then Dean was discarding his towel as he climbed on top of her, and she was moving back under him so they were both lying firmly on the bed as he covered her body with his.

When he reached between them she was more than ready for his hard cock, her desire for Dean not abated for a moment. It seemed Dean was in no rush for this to end either, his thrusts slow, almost torturously slow, building all but imperceptibly. “Please Dean,” more Y/N gasped, unable to stand his deliberate pace any longer.

“Of course Y/N, anything for you sweetheart,” he picked up speed bringing them closer to the edge.

Y/N fell over it first, cumming around Dean’s cock, only to have him follow just after her his knot swelling as he spilled his hot cum into her. For a moment it felt wonderful, complete, so full but soon it moved into something uncomfortable too, and then it was too much, too painful. The pain chased away the afterglow. As tears pricked the corners of her eyes from the pain she buried her face in the side of Dean’s neck so he couldn’t see.

But she couldn’t suppress the small whimper as Dean rolled them over so they were on the sides looking at each other. 

“Are you alright sweetheart?”

“Just a little full, it’s fine. I wasn’t really prepared after all I guess not quite, just please don’t move again until your knot goes down.”

“Y/N I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, I shouldn’t have knotted you, I-”

“Dean,” she cut him off, “I wanted it, I liked it,” for about a second she silently added to stop her words from sounding like a lie, “it’s just a little much. Guess I should have known I’m not really built to take it. You were wonderful, Dean.”

His expression was unreadable for a moment, but then his body relaxed and he smiled at her slowly stroking her back. “You are so beautiful, and smart, and badass, and sexy, and caring. I really don’t deserve you. I think you might have fallen in love with the wrong brother.”

Y/N let her eyes close after a small yawn, “Not really how love works Dean. People don’t earn love but you give it anyway.”

“I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that Y/N,” he murmured softly leaning in to kiss her forehead.

Later Y/N would recognize his words for what they were a goodbye, but it didn’t even cross her mind as she drifted off.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The bed was cold when she woke to the morning light streaming through the gaps in the windows curtains. Dean must have gone to get breakfast, or needed some alone time she reasoned. Picking up her phone she saw neither call, nor text from him. So she dialed his number and he didn’t answer.

She peeked outside and saw the impala was gone. ‘Take a breath, calm down. He wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye, especially after last night’, Y/N reassured herself even as she was replaying last night in her head and coming to a different conclusion. Dean was so different last night. She’d thought for sure it was because he returned her affection, but maybe his reasons were different. Maybe in truth he’d been giving her that memory as a parting gift.

  
  


When Dean still had not returned or answered his phone, Y/N had a pretty good idea where to look. She had never met Lisa but presumably he had gone to her. Y/N knew generally where Lisa was and if she could manage to get the phone company to remotely reactivate the gps on Dean’s phone she could find his exact location. 

She quickly threw her stuff in a bag, and placed another call to Dean.

“Winchester you really better be dead in a ditch somewhere, or kidnapped by monsters. Because if I find you up and left without even saying see ya, I’m going so I know you’re alive. I’ll kill you myself,” she said angrily into the phone using bravado to cover her heart break.

Y/N jumps in her car with her hastily packed stuff, and drives down. By the time she gets there it’s late. She knows she could finish this tonight and use Dean’s phone to find Lisa’s house and barge in demanding to see him. Confront him, cause a scene in front of the omega and her kid.

But to be honest, she’s too tired, too sad, too broken. Y/N decides to actually get herself a room in a nice hotel for once to clean up and rest before going in the morning. She’s exhausted from the drive and emotional ordeal. 

She wakes up at nine, enjoys the hotel’s breakfast buffet, and calls Dean.

He doesn’t answer.

She showers and changes, dresses as nicely as she can in jeans and a t-shirt, by the time she is leaving again it’s ten and she calls Dean.

He doesn’t answer.

It takes her about an hour to find the neighborhood, even without the GPS's signal she’d have known she was in the right spot. The impala was parked in the house’s driveway. She calls Dean.

He doesn’t answer.

Y/N can’t stop herself, she has to see him just one more time to know it's over. She walks up to the door intending to knock on it but sees movement through the window on the side of the house. She slowly creeps around glancing in the window. 

Dean is sitting with his back to her talking to a beautiful brunette and a little boy who bounces up from the table as she watches him saying something to his mom. What a cute little family scene. Y/N is half surprised the woman doesn’t have a claiming mark on her already.

She can’t help it, she has to know if he’s turned off his phone or ignoring her in particular. She calls him.

Through the window she can see Dean pull out the phone glance at the screen and slide it back into his pocket. From the way his voice mail message plays right after she knows he hung up.

Y/N walks back around to the front, and back down the driveway whirling around when she hears the door open behind her. But it’s just the kid he freezes like a deer in headlights before sputtering out, “Were you looking for my mom? I was gonna bring in the mail but I can get her.”

  
  


Y/N manages to feign a smile, “No I thought a friend of mine was here, but I must have misread the address, because I don’t have any friends here, or anywhere else,” she added under her breath walking down to her car.

She drove for a while, not really sure where she was going just away. Once she was on the outskirts of the city, she pulled off on the side of the road to call Dean one last time.

He doesn’t answer.

But when it went to voicemail she left a final message unsure he would ever hear it, “I saw you today. Lisa is very pretty, her kid is cute, you all make an adorable family. I’m sure you’ll be going to barbeques in no time. Don’t worry I won’t call or come find you again. Have a nice apple pie life Dean.”

As soon as she finished the phone call all semblance of togetherness failed and she sobbed her heart breaking their weight of loss after loss too much. 

And at the moment she gave up any hope of being with Dean her whole world shattered.

**A/N: Sorry to leave a cliffhanger but it is the best place to end this chapter.**

**< 3 Scarlette**


	6. Chapter 6

Memories came flooding back to her as she finally gave up any hope of being with Dean Winchester.

  
  


__

_ But it still wasn’t enough contact even with her hands exploring his chest. She needed more and Dean seemed to agree as his fingers dropped to fumble with the button on her jeans. _

_ Just as he got it open, she was abruptly yanked back from Dean, drawing a growl from his lips. Y/N found her father holding her as she struggled against his grip, “What in the hell did you think you were doing?” he asked furiously. _

_ “Mine,” Dean snarled back as he tried to get to her as John hauled him off the couch pulling him back, “It’s your first rut, you need to pull yourself together son.”  _

_ Dean growled at his father, while Y/N’s father glared at them both. “I let you into this house because I thought you and your son’s could control yourselves and I come back to find him practically forcing himself on my underage daughter.” _

_ The heat inside her skin was unbearable. She had to make her father understand, she needed Dean, he had to see that. “Daddy you don’t understand Dean and I,” the heat was too much but she couldn’t let her father blame him, “Dddean, I need…” her words stuttered to a stop as blackness closed around her and she went limp in her father’s arms. _

_ Her eyes were closed, she couldn’t seem to open them, her body felt too heavy to move her skin still on fire but that sensation was quickly moving toward pain, but Y/N could still hear the sounds around her. _

_ “Y/N,” she heard a distressed familiar voice call out, and she could tell it was Sam. _

_ “You and your brother keep back,” she heard her father snap but Sam didn’t listen apparently as she felt fingers brush her forehead, “she’s sick she has a fever.” _

_ At that there was a scuffle off in the direction of where Dean had been and then she was yanked from her father’s arms, and pressed up to body she recognized easily as Dean’s, as if the memory of the feel of his body against hers was imprinted on her very soul.  _

_ She felt safe in his arms, his touch beginning to revive her, her eyes fluttering open. Looking up hazily as Dean’s gorgeous face. She vaguely noticed someone’s hand reaching out to touch Dean and he glowed, but whoever it was didn’t pull back. _

_ She realized it must be Sam when she heard him so near by, “Dean you need to let Y/N go with her parents she is sick. Her fever feels really high, I think she needs to go to the hospital.Let them take care of her.” _

_ “She’s mine, I’ll take care of her,” Dean snapped back baring his teeth at his brother. _

_ Sam’s next words were very gentle, “I know Dean. But you are presenting, you are out of control right now. You didn’t mean too but you hurt her. I can see the bruises starting to form on her skin. You need to let her go.” _

_ Dean looked down at her those intense green eyes meeting hers, “Dean don’t,” she managed to croak out trying to beg him not to leave her. He was right and everyone else didn’t understand it was being separated from him that was making her sick, she was sure. _

_ Guilt flashed across Dean’s face and he turned gently, laying her on the couch. Then stepping back his face pained as he let Sam pull him away. Her eyes fell closed and she didn’t remember anything else until waking up in the back of her dad’s truck. _

_ She opened her eyes again and her parents were in the front talking in hushed voices, her whole body ached and all she could think about was Dean. _

_ “Look, maybe separating them was the wrong call his touch seemed to soothe her, and we can’t get her fever to go down. Everything I know about omega presentation says it should have gone down by now.” _

_ “That’s because she is too young at 15 to present this shouldn’t be happening until she is 16 at least though most present between 17 and 18. That boy did something to her.” _

_ “Honey maybe his biology just reacted with hers, I’ve heard of truemates presentations triggering the others.” _

_ “Truemates, that’s romance novel bullshit, no fact behind it, it’s an excuse knothead alphas use to claim omegas they shouldn’t. He’s 18, she’s 15, he grabbed her so hard he left bruises on her skin. Doesn’t seem very much like she wanted it before all the hormones took over. And you want to leave your daughter to that?” _

_ “No that’s not what I’m saying, maybe we could have worked something out. Dean’s a nice kid. He was under the influence of presentation too, I don’t think he would force her. But maybe if we let them stay, hold hands or something, but keep them apart she wouldn’t be so sick now.”  _

__

_ Her father scoffed, “You think a boy like that wants to hold hands. I heard about him from some of the other fathers, been through half the girls at that school.” _

_ “And you didn’t have a similar reputation at his age?” _

_ “Point is she’ll never have a life with him. You’ve seen how his father is about hunting. It’s not just a life or a job it’s an obsession. I feel bad for Sam, but he is never gonna give either of those boys a choice. And if she is with Dean. Y/N won’t get a choice either. People need us to do what we do but she should have the choice of her future. Be able to go to college, have a normal job and family if that’s what she wants. If she mixed up with him she’ll never have the option. You want her dragged from one motel room to another running credit card scams for the rest of her life?” _

_ “But magic? Even if the woman we are going to see is a good witch, you really think this is the best option?” _

_ “Your friend who was the doctor couldn’t help and we’re out of options.” _

_ Her parents were both silent for a few minutes before the truck pulled into a driveway. _

_ As they got out and then opened the back door, seeing her eyes are open, “How are you feeling honey.” _

_ “Everything hurts,” she responded, her voice a dry rasp. _

_ “Do you think you can walk hun? Otherwise dad can carry you.” _

_ Y/N stumbled out of the car and to her feet her money catching her, as she almost collapsed her body wracked by a powerful cramp. Her mother caught her supporting her as she managed to walk up to the door.  _

_ “Dean where?” were the words she managed to get out next before the door opened on its own. _

_ “It doesn’t matter right now honey we are just going to get you feeling all better.” _

_ She wanted to protest but she became too dizzy again and had to close her eyes. Her parents helped her to some kind of seat. _

_ Then she heard an unfamiliar woman’s voice, “Are you sure you want me to do this? I cannot undo what nature has done but I can put a pause on it. It is a curse of sorts, created originally hundreds of years ago to keep two lovers apart. She will not present until she has let any hope of this boy go. If she never gives him up she may be cursed forever.” _

_ “And if we don’t do this she’ll have no future,” her father asserts firmly. _

_ “As you wish. As part of the spell she won’t remember coming here, won’t remember the terms of the spell. I know of no magic that can break it beside its completion but there is a counter curse for every curse. They exist to give balance to the world. If you change your mind tell her of the curse. She won’t have the memories of this until the curse is broken but it may help.” _

  
  


That memory fades to nothingness and another assails her senses. 

  
  


_ She’s in her sophomore year, just having turned twenty. Her parents had gone on a hunt but she had midterms coming up so elected not to join them. It was a simple werewolf hunt anyway not something they couldn’t handle on their own. _

_ She got a call on her phone from her mom, “Hey the hunt all done?” _

_ “Y/N-” her mother’s voice was strained soft. _

_ “Mom!” she exclaimed sudden fear at the way her mother sounded. _

_ “We made a mistake honey, years ago with John that werewolf hunt. One got away, built a pack, came for us. Tricked us, we didn’t know...there were so many.” _

_ “Mom, I have the address. I am coming right now it’s a couple hours away, can you hold on. Just two hours okay I’ll be there soon.” _

_ “Too late...” her mother rasped out. _

_ “Come on mom don’t talk like that I’ll make it,” Y/N almost pleaded needing to believe it already pulling out of her drive and roaring off down the street. _

_ “So much you need to know honey, I’m sorry, we were trying to protect you.” _

_ “You have nothing to be sorry for mom I’ll be there soon you just hold on.” _

_ “You need to know we…” her mother’s voice trailed off. _

_ “Mom, mom! What do I need to know, come one, hold on, talk to me please.” _

_ Y/N didn’t know she was crying until she felt the tears running down her cheeks there was no answer. _

_ She talked on the phone the whole two hour drive desperately hoping she might get and answer but when she got there she already knew it was too late. Both her parents were dead, her father’s heart devoured, her mother having bled out in a closet where she managed to hide from the werewolves. Y/N placed an anonymous 911 call, and made sure they had real ID so she could get the call and play the shocked and grieving daughter later. Well she wouldn’t have to play the grieving part. _

_ She was done with trying to be normal, it got her parents killed and she was damn well going to find who killed them. _

  
  
  
  


Y/N came out of the haze of memories covered in sweat lying across the back seat of her car clutching a half melted bag of ice. Her whole body ached and she was exhausted, but the heat in her skin seemed to have finally. That last conversation finally made sense what her mother had been apologizing for, and when Y/N looked out the window she saw the silhouette of their old house with a for Rent sign up in front of it she put up months ago.

Y/N grabbed a water bottle from the floorboards draining it, and tossing it aside. She stumbled out of her car and opened the trunk of the trunk grabbing out a sleeping bag.

Y/N managed to pull herself together enough to walk up to the front door and unlock it. Closing it behind her again it takes all her remaining energy to lay the sleeping bag out in the empty hall and lay down exhausted to sleep off the rest of her heat.

**A/N: winchesters_queen girl you the real mvp**


	7. Chapter 7

It was many years before Y/N heard from either Winchester again. Predictably it was Sam texting the old number she still had from when she was hunting with them. He explained what had been going on with him and Dean. Many apocalypses and why they hadn’t really been in contact. Apologized for not checking up on her though Dean had apparently told him she was alive and fine.

Y/N bristled a bit at that, Dean had broken her heart and not answered a single call but he could tell Sam she was fine. That was rich. She missed Sam, she was happy he was alive but this time she knew better than to let herself get drawn back into their orbit.

So she told Sam the second lie of their friendship. That she didn’t hunt anymore. She didn’t hunt as much as she had, she did freelance work online, and volunteered to help teach kids computers at the local elementary school, and when there was a hunt near enough she thought she could take care of on her own, she did. 

But Y/N knew telling Sam she was done hunting would keep him from coming to see her with his brother in tow, and she never wanted to see Dean Winchester’s face ever again. If she could expunge it from her dreams she would. But that was beyond her ability to do, though luckily they weren’t nightly anymore.

  
  


So she resumed talking to Sam telling him about all the little details of her day to day, listening to how things were for him and Dean. Though she was careful to never ask about his brother. Obviously he wasn’t with Lisa anymore as Sam never mentioned her but it didn’t matter. It didn’t change Dean’s past or suddenly make him love her. So she didn’t need to know anything about the older winchester except that he and Dean were still fighting the good fight together. 

  
  


But Y/N had already experienced the Winchesters’ gravity once and she really should have known there was no way to have one without another. She thought maybe keeping her old friend at arms length was enough, but inevitably it wasn’t.

  
  
  


Sam had texted her that he and Dean had picked up a hunt only about an hour away from her werewolves. They weren’t coming to see her but he wanted her to know they were taking care of it so she didn’t have to worry.

Y/N sighed after receiving the text, putting her hunting kit back away. She had been going to take care of the werewolves herself but doubtless the boys could handle it, and she didn’t want to risk running into them. It was probably for the best anyway, she was only a few days out from her heat.

A smoke alarm went off somewhere in the old house. Y/N blearily got out of bed grabbing her cellphone and sliding on some shoes to investigate. The hint of movement in the darkness and long honed instinct had her grabbing her gun and bringing it up to fire shooting the werewolf who lunged at her through the heart. It dropped her gun by default loaded with silver bullets.

Y/N reached under her bed grabbing the machete strapped there and hit Sam’s number on her phone.

“Y/N” he answered surprised.

“Listen, there are werewolves in my house at least one maybe more. Get here as soon as you can.”

She hung up not waiting for his response, hopefully if she needed the help he would come in time if there were a lot of them. Y/N crept silently through the halls of her house the machete in one hand gun in the other as smoke filled the air. She shot two more werewolves before she made it to the door. 

Finally making it through she thought she was done heading toward her car when a heavy from hit her knocking to the ground sending the weapons skittering out of her hands as she fell.

The werewolf, missing an eye she had taken out in a different fight smiled down at her, “Hmm it’s been a long time since we first met, little omega. I still remember the day I first caught your scent on your parents bodies after I killed them.”

She thrashed under his trying to twist free, “See if I were gonna reminisce, how about the time I stabbed you in the eye with a silver dagger before kicking your body into the river. Thought that killed you.”

“Not so lucky, I gouged out my eye before the poison could spread. Had to recover for a while but then I started hunting the hunter. You aren’t easy to find but my pack and I picked up your scent nearby, then the Winchesters led me right to your door. Dumb boys, they’ll be next of course, but they couldn’t resist driving by your house it seems.”

“Yeah that was stupid,” she said trying to roll away but only succeeded in rolling them both over once until the werewolf pinned her again.

“It was, want me to pass on any last words before I kill them?”

“Actually yeah, just make it really really painful like this,” she said, the roll having taken them close to the edge of the porch close enough for her to wiggle free the silver blade she had strapped under there bringing it up and driving it through werewolves heart his hot blood spilling onto her. 

Y/N was still struggling under him trapped on the steps of her burning house when strong hands hauled the werewolves corpse off of her, tossing it back inside the house. Other hands Sam’s hands helped her up. It was Dean who tossed the werewolf back into the house to burn.

Y/N sighed looking down at herself covered in blood in her night gown and sneakers and back up at the boys, “Guess I’ll be moving again, I better get out of town before the police come asking any questions. With any luck no one will see me so I can still get the insurance money without answering any awkward questions.”

“That’s all you have to say, not thanks for showing up out of the blue after years of not hearing from you,” Dean demanded.

“Sam’s been hearing from me for quite a while and I had no reason to think you would care,” Dean flinched at that, “Besides what do you want me to say thanks for showing up again and wrecking my life. It’s what you Winchesters always do. You lead the werewolves right to me,” Sam flinched at her words this time looking hurt and guilty.

Then the wind changed and both men stiffened, “You’re an omega!” they cried almost in unison.

She rolled her eyes at their reaction, “Yes I had noticed,” Y/N responded dryly.

“When?” Dean demanded.

“How?” Sam asked.

“Look another time, police fire department, four werewolves that I killed. I really need to get going.”

As she walked away the brothers exchanged a look, a whole conversation in that one glance. Sam raced after her hopping into the passenger seat as soon as she unlocked the car. 

“Sam get out.”

“No look Y/N at least let me get a motel room for you once we get out of town. You can’t walk in there in a night gown covered with blood without them calling the cops.”

“Sam I really don’t want your help right now.” 

The distant sounds of sirens put an end to the argument as they quickly took the back roads out of town. 

The drive was quiet and awkward, neither of them speaking for a long time. 

“Sorry I should have stopped Dean from going to your house when I let it slip you were back living there again. We thought we had finished the hunt but I guess we missed a few. He said he just wanted to see you were alright, drive by only not even really see you. And well I wanted to know you were alright too. Sorry we dragged you back into the life again.”

Y/N sighed closing her eyes, “You didn’t not really. If the werewolves were that close they would have found me eventually anyway. And I kinda lied to you Sam. I never really stopped just slowed down but I couldn’t risk being drawn back into your Winchester crazy again. Sorry Sam I should have been honest but a lot of things happened after you went to hell.”

She doesn’t have to look at Sam to see he is giving her those hurt puppy dog eyes, “You ever gonna tell me what those things are? Dean won’t tell me even the part he knows and I’m guessing there is more.”

“The more, could fill a few volumes I think. I really don’t think I have the energy just now.”

“But after you rest?”

Y/N sighs, “Yeah if you still want to know I’ll tell you after I rest.”

They pull up to a motel and Sam gets out to get a room unlocking the door for Y/N who takes her bag heading right for the shower to clean up. While in the shower she starts to feel the first edge of her heat coming on. She can’t spend it here alone with no supplies except her emergency go bag. Y/N resigns herself to having to ask Sam for help again as she changes and emerges from the bathroom, wet hair braided back out of her way. 

When she emerges both Winchesters are waiting for her. Y/N pauses for a moment unsure she will be able to stomach asking Dean for help but Sam saves her from having to worry about her pride.

“We were talking, Y/N, and well we have a house of our own now with too many extra rooms for us to ever use. So if you need a place to stay for a little while you figure what you are doing next. Especially since it is kind of our fault werewolves burned your house down, you can stay with us for a while.”

“Alright.”

Both Winchesters stared at her blankly clearly not expecting her to have agreed that easily.

“One condition I want Sam to drive my car, and I’ll ride in the backseat of the impala. After all fighting for my life made me a little tired and I’d like to rest,” that little addition should have gotten her out of answering any more of Sam’s questions for now.

The brothers exchanged looks again and nodded, “Great lets hit the road,” she said with a cheerful smile. Leaving the boys a little dazed as she breezed passed them into baby’s back seat and lay down using her bag as a pillow.

Dean didn’t say anything just played his mullet rock at a volume low enough she could still fall asleep to. Of course she dreamed of Dean, him kissing her, holding her, making love to her.

When she woke up some time later in the back seat of the impala, she sat up finding Dean’s leather jacket covering her. It smelled like him so good she wanted to nuzzle her face in it but she resisted.

“Are we getting close,” she asked looking out the window and seeing the trees.

“Yeah just a few minutes away.”

“That’s good,” she said looking out the window.

“Y/N, I’m sorry about… about not saying goodbye.”

“No, worries not like I was worried about what had happened to you, after just losing two of my friends,” she answered a bit bitterly, “Not like I needed support too or anything.”

“Y/N…”

“You know what Dean, don't worry about it, okay. I understand perfectly, I get it. You thought I’d get all clingy and stalk you there because I was in love with you.”

Dean clenched his jaw in a hard line.

“Well I guess you were right I picked the wrong brother because at least Sam would have known me well enough to know, that if you just said what you wanted instead of giving me the bullshit that you cared about me, and you were grateful to me, and I was too wonderful for you. I would have just let you go with a wave and a smile. Because that’s what adults do when they care about someone, they make choices to ensure the other person’s happiness. Have no fear, I won’t bring it up again, we can go back to whatever we were before, not quite friends who hurt together, occasionally cohabitate and care about Sam. Minus the sleeping together part after the last time I have no interest in picking that up again. In case I was unclear.”

Y/N was fairly proud of herself for not admitting any lingering attraction, letting her voice become unsteady, or raising her volume over the normal speaking range. But as Dean pulled the impala into an underground garage, a wave of pain stole her moment of victory, making her reach out a hand to have a white knuckled grip on the side of the door. But she refused to let the pain draw a sound from her lips Dean might hear.

Unfortunately her scent combined with his alpha nose betrayed her, “You’re going into heat.”

“Yeah, I know that too. It’s why I took Sam up on the offer. Being here with you has to be marginally safer than being alone in a crummy motel room with no supplies. And it’s not like I have anywhere else to go what with the family being gone and very few living friends to count, and oh yeah my house burned down last night,” she snapped back getting out of the car and heading in with her bag as Sam was already inside waiting to show her to the room she would be staying in.

**A/N: Well I expect things to heat up in the next chapter if you’ll pardon the pun**

**< 3 Scarlette **


	8. Chapter 8

The first day of her heat was brutal, all pain and fever and dreams of Dean she wished she could will away. Y/N wished she didn’t feel like going and begging for his knot. Every heat now always made her relive the moments of her almost first one with him, in her memories. But in her dreams they went farther, never interrupted, never pulled apart. The worst parts of those weren’t the sex, she could deal with still being attracted to Dean. She had eyes and a pulse, so it would be a long while yet that she was attracted to him. No the worst part of Y/N’s dreams was how her heart would soar when she and Dean were cuddled together knotted, and he whispered how much he loved her, how he wanted to be with her, and wanted to make a future together.

The worst part is, she couldn’t pretend even to herself, after the dreams that she wasn’t still in love with him. It’s not like she hadn’t tried dating, tried every way she could think of to move on. Nothing worked loving Dean remained a fact of life for her.

Finally late that night she emerged, wandering down the hall where she thought she had briefly seen the kitchen earlier. Y/N hoped she could scrounge something to eat. She found the room but it was occupied by a very disheveled looking Dean. Sweat was beaded on his forehead, he was in the same clothes he had been earlier, but all the outer layers were discarded until he was just in his t-shirt and jeans, the fabric of the t-shirt sticking to his skin.

Y/N looked at him for a moment and then she smelled it, every delicious note of the scent that so perfectly identified Dean, heightened in a way that could only mean he had gone into a rut triggered by her heat.

Y/N decided to pretend she didn’t notice, “Got anything to eat in this place?”

Dean gave her a very long look, raking his gaze over her body that seemed to say more plainly than words could convey that he wished she was on the menu. But all he said was, “You want a sandwich or some of Sam’s rabbit food.”

“I’ll take a little column a, a little column b, garson.”

Dean only responded by turning to the fridge and pulling out ingredients to assemble a sandwich. He made her a simple blt, no tomatoes with a slice of cheese on top of the bacon. Y/N was a little startled that he remembered the way she always made that particular sandwich but didn’t say anything as he added carrots to the plate and passed it over to her. 

She fairly wolfed down the food while he made his own sandwich. Dean had only managed two bites of his own sandwich when Y/N was pushing back her chair from the table finished with her food.

“Y/N wait,” he called out to her, rising and slowly moving toward her, his hands raised as if to show he meant her no harm.

She paused looking back at him.

“You said your piece earlier but I wanted to explain there are things you don’t know, and everything is different now.”

“Alright I’ll listen,” Y/N paused giving him a chance to speak.

“Look I made a promise to Sam before he went to hell, I’d settle down with an omega, try to live an apple pie life. I’d have known you were an omega…”

“That would have made a difference?”

“Of course it would have.”

“Ah I see you just wanted an omega to settle down with, I was there, I would have done anything you wanted, so if you’d only have known I had the right presentation then I would have been a good enough alternative to Lisa.”

“Y/N that’s not what I’m saying. I just wanted you to know it would have been different. Look I know heats can be tough, painful, and I know you still want me. I heard you moaning my name through your door. I’m not trying to say we go back to what we were. I know you don’t want that. But maybe if you let me, I can help you through it, ease the pain.”

“I’m in heat you moron, not dying, not yet anyway, not close to being feral. I may be hopped up on hormones but I’m in full control of my mental faculties. You really think after what I said to you earlier, I’d be begging to hop on your knot just because I’m in heat? Get a fucking clue,” said furiously storming away from him.

He raced after her grabbing her wrist, “I didn’t mean…”

And as soon as his skin touched hers, she could feel the familiar fire of his touch. Ignoring the heat she yanked away her arm, “Yeah you never mean it do you Dean. Leave me alone, once my heat is over I’m gone and you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Y/N managed to get back in her borrowed room slamming and locking the door behind her.

  
  
  
  


Dean had washed baby three times, gone to the shooting range twice, and was currently on his fourth round of hitting the punching bag in the bunkers gym. None of it worked; he still couldn’t get her out of his head. Everything smelled like her. Her scent shouldn’t have filled the bunker so completely already, but it had. There was nothing he could do to escape it.

Dean had spent the last three days almost painfully hard, with only brief moments of reprieve as he took a few minutes alone in his room or the shower to relieve some of the tension. But that was a self defeating exercise giving him shorter and shorter moments of relief and never once was she gone from thoughts. It was her scent, her soft skin, her lush lips, her sparkling eyes that captured every moment of his imagination. 

Dean wasn’t sure he’d survive this heat with his sanity intact but he was determined to leave her alone after the mess he’d already made of things. Whatever he said no matter the intentions just seemed to hurt her more. He was at a loss, and the do nothing was killing him. He paused catching his breath as the door to the gym opened. A brief moment of hope, rekindled within him only to be crushed when he realized it was only his brother entering the room.

“What did you do?” Sam demanded of his brother.

“What do you mean? I haven’t done anything for days and I’m actually going stir crazy.”

“What did you do to Y/N? She hasn’t left her room since the first day she got here.”

“Oh,” Dean answered a little guiltily

“Oh, what?” Sam glared at his brother.

“I didn’t do anything I swear,” Dean answered defensively, “I just… when you were soulless and I thought you were in hell. I was dick to Y/N. I know, I didn’t mean… anyway I know I hurt her so I was just trying to apologize. But well you know I don’t do the chick flick thing well and I just screwed up. So she told me to stay away from her and I did.”

“Except for the part where you’ve been sleeping outside her door,” Sam pointed out dryly.

“She doesn’t know about that, I would have woken up if she opened the door. It was only for a couple of hours, I just wanted to know she was still there,” Dean sighed scrubbing a hand across his face knowing how ridiculous that sounded. 

Sam said nothing for a minute watching his brother, “You ever gonna tell me what happened between you two?”

“Sammy, I hurt her enough, and it’s not something that’s all mine to tell. If she wants to pretend like nothing happened, or be a thousand miles away from me, I can’t blame her. I wish it were different. I’d do anything to fix it really but I don’t know how. None of it makes sense anymore, especially with her being m… an omega. But I don’t know what to do without possibly hurting her more. She asked me to stay away so I will. Can you check on her though, maybe bring her some food? We have some of that cereal she liked when we were kids in the cupboard.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “I brought her food yesterday when I realized she hadn’t come out. I’ll bring her something today too. She is my friend, I’ll make sure she’s alright. And maybe you should try sleeping in your bed. You are looking kinda rough and sleeping outside Y/N’s door is a little creepy.”

  
  
  
  
  


Y/N was very grateful for Sam and his attentiveness in making sure she was alright. He’d brought her food and water so she didn’t have to leave the room risking running into Dean again. He texted her to make sure she was okay, but mostly left her to rest. She knew he was coming to bring her supplies, so she expected the knock on her door.

When she opened it Sam was smiling down at her with a tray of food in his hands. A salad with the chicken on the side and a box of her favorite cereal to munch on, and a pitcher of water to switch out with the empty one on her night stand.

“Thanks Sam,” Y/N said, taking the tray and starting to move back.

“Would you like some company for a bit? Can’t be easy to be all cooped up on your own.”

“But my heat, won’t it bother you, being an alpha and all.”

A brief moment of pain flashed in Sam’s eyes before vanishing again, “Jess was my mate. When that bond is broken it changes you. Changed how you react to things. Don’t get me wrong you smell really amazing right now but it’s not driving me crazy like the smell of an omega might have done when I was younger. Does being near me bother you being in heat?”

Y/N shook her head, Sam smelled like an alpha but he wasn’t all but irresistible to her in the way Dean was. Sam must have been near his brother recently, a bit of Dean’s scent lingering on him.

“You sure?” Sam teased lightly, “If I’m too irresistible I can leave.” 

“No you can come in you big lug, but I’m in charge of the netflix.”

She and Sam settled on the bed leaving the door a bit cracked just in case to let some of her scent out, the tray and laptop settled between them a documentary on Alaskan wildlife playing across the screen. 

They watched in companionable silence for a little while Y/N, eating and Sam idly munching on a handful of cereal of two. His presence seemed to ease some of the pain, though she didn’t know if that was him being an alpha or Dean’s scent, she could still smell. She hadn’t really had the opportunity to be around alpha’s while in her heat to know.

“So are you gonna tell me the story?” Sam asked gently.

“What story?”

“Whichever you like really. How you went from beta to omega way after an age where you could present. What happened between you and my brother. What you’ve actually been doing the last few months. Any of those would work, come one Y/N you used to tell me everything.”

“Well I always told you almost everything I’ve just been stretching my definition of almost anything.”

“Don’t be evasive. If you don’t want to tell me just say it.”

Y/N sighed closing her eyes, “I don’t have many people I care about anymore Sam, you are one of very few. And I don’t want you to see me any differently after, I don’t know what you’ll think.”

“Nothing you could tell me would change how I see you, from the day I first walked into your class you became my best friend. We’ve had some breaks in that friendship but we never stopped being friends. I’ll be here for you no matter what.’

Y/N sat up adjusting herself in the bed to lean back against the headboard looking blankly at the screen, “It’s all kinda of one story and I guess it’s best to tell you about it in the order it happened but I learned everything kind of out of order.”

Sam just nodded staying quiet letting Y/N explain.

“I guess it first started the night I met your brother for the first time. I drove him to the church parking lot and he smelled so good, I guess I know now that’s because he’s an alpha and I’m an omega. We are meant to be drawn together. Though sometimes I wish it had been you instead. Anyway we almost got caught by the sheriff. Dean kissed me to pretend like we were there to make out but I just couldn’t get over that. I guess I never could get over Dean at all. Then there was that night you left. I Dean was in rut when I came home and I guess his presentation triggered mine and I started to go into heat.”

“But you were only 15,” Sam murmured surprised.

“Blame your brother for that one. What I didn’t know was you had called your dad about Dean’s presentation and for once he actually listened to you. John told me when I ran into him later after my parents died, they were hunting werewolves. One got away, he said they should go after it. But he’d already told my parents about Dean and my dad wanted to get home right away. That werewolf eventually created a pack. He was the one that killed my parents, the one that tried to kill me a few days ago.”

“Oh God Y/N I’m so sorry,” Sam started but Y/N stopped him.

“Not your fault Sam my parents made a choice, that choice had consequences. I’m glad you called actually or I probably would have ended up mated to someone who didn’t love me back and I might have died later from the rejection. Anyway I was going into heat after yall left, but it was bad my fever kept getting higher and wouldn’t come down. The doctor my mom called seemed to think nothing would help but being with the alpha who triggered it, but my parents didn’t want me trapped in the hunting life they wanted me to have a choice. They knew I wouldn’t have a choice to leave if I was with him. So they took me to a witch and had her curse me so I wouldn’t present until I gave up any hope of being with Dean, and that I wouldn’t remember what happened.”

Sam stared at her in utter shock, “They didn’t.”

“Oh they did,” she said a little bitterly, “To be fair they thought they were protecting me and they probably thought that in a year I’d be over him but that didn’t happen. So werewolves kill my parents, you lose Jess, your dad goes missing and then I run into Dean at the Road House. He wasn’t really interested but after he struck out he ended up back at my place. I knew I wasn’t his first choice, but then I didn’t care. I wanted him so badly I just took what I could get. Then you called me up and we started hunting together. And when Dean didn’t have anyone better we’d end up together. I knew what it was. I knew he didn’t love me, I even knew he would end it if he knew how I felt. So I never said anything, never tried for more.”

Sam reached out taking her hand and squeezing it tightly, giving his silent support.

“So then you died. Dean was destroyed and I was barely keeping it together. But I knew he needed me and I had to manage. So I did. I got us to a motel, got Dean cleaned up. He was so broken, so empty, so alone, you were the one who died but at that moment I was afraid you had taken Dean with you. He didn’t want to be alive, he just wanted to take your place.

I needed him to keep going, he’d promised you he wouldn’t try to get you but I said I’d help him do whatever he needed.”

  
  


“I’ve never seen him like that since. He was so vulnerable, scared I’d leave him alone. So I promised I wouldn’t, I told him I loved him. Rational me would have known that would have sent him running for the hills but I just wanted him to know he still had someone who loved him. He didn’t say it back but he… we made love and he knotted me. We’d never done things like that before it had always been sort of quick and dirty, not like that. Then he started telling me how amazing I was, and stupid me. I thought it was his way of telling me he loved me without saying the words, by showing me. But he was just telling me goodbye, trying to let me down easy I guess. He knew I was hurting too and I guess he thought in that moment it would be better to give me a lie than tell me the truth, but he must have changed his mind because when I woke up in the morning he was just gone.”

Y/N swallowed thickly, “I heard what you had him promise. So I had a pretty good idea where he might have gone. But there was no note, no call. So at first I hoped he just needed some space, time to think. He didn’t come back, didn’t answer his phone. I started playing through all the scenarios of what might have happened, if a monster came after him like what happened to my parents, or he drove off the side of the road or something. I needed to know he was alright, and a part of me needed to know it was really over. So I tracked his phone, followed him right to her door. Damn it, I really shouldn’t have gone up to the house after I saw baby in the driveway. I don’t know what I was gonna do, knock on the door and say… I don’t know it never came to that. I saw them through a window and I couldn’t help but watch. I called him, he had his phone, picked it up, looked at it, sent it straight to voicemail.”

  
  


“I knew it was over then, I got far enough away he wouldn’t see me, if he looked outside. Called him to say goodbye. Gave him the courtesy he didn’t give me. I guess that's the moment I finally gave up. The spell broke and everything came rushing back. The memories, my heat, the grief I was pushing down it all hit me at once. I don’t even remember how I got there, but I drove to our old house. Spent my first heat, alone on the dusty floorboards of that house.”

Y/N took a steadying breathe, “Didn’t have anyone left to call my parents were dead; Ash, ellen and Jo were dead; you were dead, at least that’s what I thought; I didn’t really know Bobby more than I met him through you two, and Dean well he wasn’t exactly gonna answer my calls was he. I managed. When the heat was over I started to put a life back together for myself. It was basically like I was going through puberty all over again in that first month, I broke out like a teenager, put on 10lbs and had to start over again. The next month my heat didn’t come, or a normal cycle.”

“I was terrified I might be pregnant. I had no one to turn to so I found a doctor a couple of towns over and went in to see her. She was fascinated by my late presentation and wanted to do all sorts of tests. The only one I would let her run was a pregnancy test. It came back negative she said, I probably wasn’t fertile before my presentation and everything would probably level out now and my cycles become more regular. If not I should come back and see her. Guess I was lucky she was right because I don’t think I could have gone back. Too many questions, ya know.”

“That pretty much catches us up to what I told you when we started talking. Except well I lied about hunting. I knew you’d stay away if you thought I was out but couldn’t really think of another reason I couldn’t see you. I knew that seeing you would lead to seeing your brother and well, I couldn’t handle that. But well now here we are, once my heat is over I guess I’ll leave.”

Sam reached out pulling her into a tight hug, there was a sound almost like a footstep in the hall, “I’m so sorry you had to deal with all of that. You were always there when I needed you, and I haven’t been for you. I don’t want you to leave but I understand. You need help starting over, hunting, anything, you let me know I’ll be there this time. I’ll make sure it’s just me if that’s what you want too.”

“Thanks Sammy,” Y/N responded a little tearfully burying her face in his chest.

After a while she pulled back, “The pain is getting bad again Sam. I’m just going to sleep it off okay?”

Sam pulled back nodding as he collected the tray and empty pitcher, “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow get some rest Y/N.”

  
  
  
  


Sam took Y/N’s dishes to the kitchen and then went down to the war room. He was unsurprised to find dean sitting at the table glass of whiskey in hand.

“I’m not really sure eavesdropping counts as leaving her alone,” Sam said dryly glaring at his brother, an undercurrent of anger in his voice.

Dean let out a humorless chuckle, “Well I guess I paid for it hearing things I didn’t want to know. I knew I was an asshole Sammy, just not quite that much of one. You want to hit me, defend her honor, or punish me for hurting her. Go ahead I’ll even stand up for you, won’t even duck. I deserve it, I deserve a lot worse actually.”

“Why’d you do it then? You’ve never been Mr.Commitment but that’s a level of callousness that’s unusual even for you.”

Dean grimaced, “Because idiot, asshole that I am, I really thought I was protecting her, from the disaster that is Dean Winchester. But I couldn’t even do that right. I broke her heart, left her alone, got her parents killed, her whole adult life ruined by a curse, and oh yeah my own selfish desire to her one last time got her house burned down. From the first moment I kissed her I ruined her life, and I don’t know a damn thing I could do to fix it. So please do me a favor Sammy and hit me, at least you might feel a little better.”

Sam sighed scrubbing a hand over his face, “Three of the things you listed aren’t even your fault. The others well yeah you are an asshole but I really don’t think hitting you will help. Maybe you should talk to her, let her know it wasn’t all a lie. Or at least give her a decent explanation, might help her heal.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me Sammy.”

“Yeah I can see why considering. But try one more time before she walks out of both our lives forever okay. If I can manage not to lose my best friend again it’ll be worth it.”

  
  
  


**A/N: Sorry it took so long. Hope it was worth the wait.**


	9. Chapter 9

Y/N awoke, her whole body aching to knock on her door. Figuring it was Sam bringing breakfast, Y/N opened the door only to come face to face with Dean holding a tray with breakfast on it.

Seeing her expression, Dean grimaced, “Sorry I should have said it was me so I didn’t surprise you. I know you don’t want to see me. I’ll go but you need to know one thing first. I… I eavesdropped on you and Sam last night, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have invaded your privacy. I really didn’t do it on purpose, I just wanted to know you were okay and then I heard what you were talking about and I just couldn’t stop listening. But you are wrong, I do care about you. I know I don’t seem like it, I screwed everything up from the beginning. Please give me the chance to explain. I’ll understand if you say no. I’ll leave you with your breakfast, but you deserve to know what happened. Deserve to have all your questions answered. Please.”

Y/N’s first instinct was to slam the door and tell Dean to go fuck himself. But she did want to know his side, wanted to believe he cared. That was such a temptation, but she couldn’t let herself fall for him so easily again. So she reached out taking the tray and started to close the door seeing Dean’s face fall.

However she stopped with the door cracked just a little, about the same as it had been the night before. “Alright Winchester you can talk but you stay out there, no chance of the hormones getting the better of us.”

“Alright sweethea… Y/N, but I’m not great with this friggin feelings crap, so please, let me explain all the way through even if I screw it up.”

“Alright Dean, I’ll let you explain all the way through.”

“Right so I should probably start at the beginning I guess,” Dean sighed, moving to lean his back against the wall mirroring Y/N’s position on the other side so they could talk through the crack in the door.

“I don’t really remember seeing you before the first time we met, sorry not the best beginning but I was a teenage idiot so that’s all I’ve got. But after that night you better be sure I noticed you, I was half floored that the sheriff nearly caught us because it gave me a chance to kiss you. I wanted to do that since the second you showed up at our door, but I was disappointed too because I knew you were too good for me. And you didn’t seem that interested in me to be honest. So I was dumb tried to make you jealous by going out with a string of girls hoping you’d notice. I know it was stupid, and dick move to them and you. But I’m an asshole, I’m a jerk, chuck knows I was a jerk to you.”

“The closer I got to presenting the more I tried to get your attention. But in retrospect I guess I just pushed you more away, maybe a part of me wanted that, I don’t know, but later I knew what I was doing but I’m getting ahead of myself. Then I was presenting and you were all I could think about. I just knew you were mine, that I had to be close to your sent. If Sam had been there when you got home it might have been different. When he was out is when you came back. And fuck you were so beautiful, are so beautiful, I needed you. Not just like that but seeing you felt like a missing piece sliding into place and then we touched and everything exploded. It’s all kind of a blur to be honest and yet I remember the way you felt and tasted and smelled so clearly.”

Dean swallowed gathering his composure, “Then after your dad showed up and I was ready to fight for you until Sam made me realize I was what you needed protection from. I never realized I’d left marks on you, never meant to hurt you.”

“You did a bang up job of it anyway and not just then,” Y/N added dryly but there was no real bite in the words, hearing how Dean remembered her oft relived fantasy pulled the anger from you.

He sighed, “I know, I always thought you deserved better than me. I just didn’t realize how right I was until then. I know it doesn’t matter if I didn’t mean it because you got hurt anyway. Last night I was furious with your parents for what they did to you. But I kinda get it, given how I was. They were trying to protect you, they couldn’t know I’d irreparably screwed with your life already, or the effect it would have on you. They should have told you when you passed normal presentation age though, hell they should have thought of something else. I never stopped thinking about you dreaming about you. I tried to move on and got close once or twice.”

Y/N winced on the other side of the door, that hurt to hear. It shouldn’t really, he was telling her what she dreamed of that he cared about her all this time, couldn’t get over her. But she had never been close to being over him until he ground her heart to dust under the heel of his boot and even then it hadn’t taken. A part of her wondered if this was true, or in his guilt, was he just telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. That he cared, that she was special. He hadn’t said the “L” word yet so not everything a practiced liar and reader of people like Dean could probably guess she wanted. He sounded sincere so far and Y/N wanted to believe him, but she’d been so wrong about him so many times before that she didn’t dare trust her treacherous heart.

“Cassie, she was sassy and determined in a lot of ways like you. A beta but we could have made that work. The first time we slept together I said your name. I’d never done that with a one nightstand but something in her reminded me of you. She was so mad but then she saw my face and later she told me I looked so surprised and lost she couldn’t be mad at me. I apologized, lied and said you were my girlfriend who died in a car accident and I was still getting over it. She believed me, it’s the only thing I never told her the truth about. Eventually I told her all about this life, but never you that was mine. Then there was Lisa. When I first met her she smelled so good, I hadn’t really found an omega whose scent attracted me since you. In my head I tricked myself into believing she smelled just as good as you, that my memory was just embellishing it. When we met again later I knew I was wrong but it worked for a time. It eased the pain. There were others for mutual pleasure but nothing beyond that.”

Hearing Lisa’s name made Y/N feel sick. Cassie had been in a relationship she understood that it hurt but she got it, Lisa he had been enough hung up on to remember years after a one night stand no matter what he claimed about his attraction not being as strong now. Lisa had been the one he left her for, left her even after he knew she loved him, knew she was grieving too. 

“Then I saw you again and suddenly I felt like a teenager again. I don’t remember what else I was doing trying to talk Jo out of a hunt I think but you dropped your invitation and I had to follow. I debated if I should for a bit, but in the end I had to know what it was like to have what I’d dreamed of for so long. I had to be near you again just one more time. Being this you was amazing but when I woke I saw you. I knew I had been rough and so had you. I knew you liked but seeing marks I put on your skin again, made me relive when I hurt. I had to go, and I didn’t deserve to have you in my life again. But I couldn’t stop myself from saving your number in my phone too.”

“We did what, what we did. When you told me you wanted me to knot you, fuck, I wanted to do it right then. But that would have hurt you, betas aren’t built to take a knot and I couldn’t hurt you. I thought keeping it casual was best. It would protect you from me. That’s not true, I knew I should stop what we were doing all together but I couldn’t. You didn’t seem to mind, sometimes when I would hook up with other people I’d see the way you’d look at me. I guess I never let myself see the pain in that look until later. I didn’t think you cared, it was just casual.There was no reason you should love me.”

“But I did,” Y/N whispered quietly.

“Yeah, and I’m a stupid idiot because I wouldn’t admit to myself you loved me, just as much as I wouldn’t admit I love you.”

Y/N felt her heart soar and then immediately sink in her chest. He said the word but did he mean it. He said love not loved, but then why leave her. 

“When Sam di- after we lost him. I was so broken but you held me together, told me you loved me. When I realized you really didn’t see how I felt about you, really thought I didn’t love you. I had no words so I just tried to show you how I felt. That was a mistake.”

Y/N flinched again as she heard him call making love to her a mistake.

“I knotted you without thinking and hurt you the woman I love, as you tried to pretend hadn’t I seen the tears, you tried to hide, smeared on your cheeks. As we lay there all I could go over in my head was all the times I hurt you. All times you gave me that pained look I wouldn’t let myself recognize as I took someone else to my bed, son of bitch. I had been trying not to hurt you and I did. I couldn’t even manage to make love to you without hurting. I knew if I stayed I’d only hurt you more. I had to leave with no goodbye because if you asked me to stay I knew I would, and I’d hurt you again. Lisa, I didn’t have much of any place else to go and I promised Sam I’d try.”

“You leaving like that hurt more than you could possibly imagine, more than anything else you had done.”

Y/N couldn’t see it was Dean’s turn to wince on the other side of the door, “I’m so sorry, I don’t have words to say how sorry I am but I hate myself for hurting you if that means anything. I don’t deserve you and I just keep proving it don’t I. I get the people I love hurt and killed. So then you called and I couldn’t answer for fear you’d convince me to come back. I would have done anything you asked, but in a message not having to know you were at the other end made it easier. When I heard your last message I hoped you were angry enough you’d start hating me rather than loving me. Hoped that would keep you safe, you’d start over. Guess I kinda forgot I’d got almost everyone you loved killed too. Your parents, your friends, my brother, all Dean Winchester casualties.”

“I hated it, parts I liked being normal though it was a bit boring, having a family but it was all a lie. Lisa was no substitute for you, she knew I was in love with someone else. Caught me listening to your voicemails just hear the sound of your voice. She mostly didn’t ask. After a while she wanted me to claim her, make it official, maybe consider having a pup. I couldn’t, and I couldn’t knot her. She tried to… I had some of your clothes hidden in my bag. I hadn’t taken them on purpose. Before what happened with Sam on the last hunt some of our stuff had gotten mixed up and when I found them they still smelled like you and I couldn’t get rid of them.”

Dean cleared his throat uncomfortably, “She waited until I was about to go into rut, I’d let her know so she could explain to Ben and when I came home she was waiting for me wearing your clothes. I didn’t realize at first, as soon as I was through the door she was all over me. I wasn’t really thinking clearly, she smelled like an omega but better than usual. We had made it up to our bedroom by the time my brain managed to actually process that she smelled like you. I pulled back confused. Then I realized what she was wearing, it's not like I noticed anything off about jeans and a black t-shirt originally but once I realized she had your scent on her I recognized them as yours. In retrospect I’m glad Ben was at a friends house. We had a huge knock down drag out fight screaming at each other and saying some things a kid shouldn’t hear their parental figures say.”

“It ended with her in tears asking how she was supposed to be an omega with an alpha who wouldn’t claim her. She’s the one I picked and I hurt her too, I always hurt everyone no matter what I do. Anyway we had the discussion later after my rut, that I wouldn’t claim her. And she accepted that for a while, then Sam came back and things spiralled and finally I had to have Cas erase myself from her and Ben’s memories. I couldn’t do that for you, I was too much a part of your life, but I figured the next best thing was staying out of it to let you move on. But I couldn’t even do that right had to see you one more time when we were close and led the werewolves right to your door.”

Dean finished and silence lapsed between them, but Y/N waited not yet sure what to say or that Dean was completely done.

“Anyway that's pretty much all of it, I think. Except I still love you, I’ve loved you as long as I’ve really known what love was, even if I am really bad at showing it. I doubt any of that helps, me loving you is probably still gonna hurt you and eventually get you killed. But you deserve to know too. I’m done now.”

  
  


**A/N: Guess we’ll leave the response for next chapter**


End file.
